Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Vent

So here I go again. Going to get some frustration off of my ever growing pregnancy chest.
My father in law is a different kind of breed. We just have very different views on things, especially family and raising children. He is my husband's step father since hubby was about 4 years old. Has no experience with children any younger than 4 since he has no children of his own. And yet, he is all knowing on how to make a boy a man. Really, not getting started on that, I have other topics to go on and on about.
My husband kept putting off telling his family we are pregnant with our third. Not because we like to wait until the first trimester is over, but because he did not want to hear a lecture. And I think he is hurt by the fact that my family and the rest of our friends are always so happy for us. Yes, we were lectured after we found out we were pregnant with little monkey. I am sorry, I don't need to hear someone tell me how I can not afford a second baby for half an hour on the phone after I just told them the happy, albeit shocking, news. I just kept reminding them what a gift from God a baby is. My mother in law takes every available moment to tell me that two children are enough and I should feel thankful to have them and not over extend myself or my family. I have never hidden the fact that I would love to have a large family.
So anyway, my husband tells me (as we sit down for mass Saturday evening) that he told his dad and asked him how he should go about telling his mom (she is out of the country working right now). Apparently my father in law said he thought she was probably really stressed out enough with work and not to tell her until she could get through some of the stress! Yes, our new littlest monkey blessing is a major cause of stress to them. I could not even speak when he told me. I actually started getting teary eyed because it made my heart hurt that someone would feel the baby growing inside me is a cause of stress. We have never given them a reason to think we could not make ends meet. Our monkeys are well fed, happy, clean, well dressed and I think well taken care of. We have never asked them for ANYTHING, in fact I go way out of my way to NEVER ask for anything or make mention of things I need to get for the boys. I just don't understand. Anybody get this?!?!
I could go on and on about it, but I don't think it is good for my blood pressure.
Big monkey's birthday is Friday and we are having a birthday party for him Saturday afternoon. Pretty much always the same time of the year that we have this party. Father in law is not going to be able to make because he has a previous engagement. This is about normal. He lives less than 2 hours away and comes to visit the monkeys every 3 months or so. I don't mind the infrequency of his visits, in fact I am grateful. I feel bad for the monkeys, who do like him, and for my husband who worships him for some odd reason. At least I have my parents - wonderful grandparents that drive 5 hours for just a day visit if they can work it in!
Okay, enough. I need to get calm before my doctor's appointment later this morning. Get to hear the littlest monkey's heart beating away! LOVE IT!


Vic said...

I feel for you. We also had the 'lecture' when I got preganant, although from my mother. Luckily, she's come around since. I can only guess how horrible t must be for this to be ongoing.

Katie Kermeen Swisher said...

How sad...and so confusing. Since when did grandparents NOT want more babies?

Lacy Rose said...

GAH. Your IL's made me mad when I read the post. Does FIL really think that its ok to basically say

"Hey hunny your going to have another grandchild in a few days... we didnt want to tell you sooner since it might stress you out?!"

Jeez. Im sorry they do not think before they open their mouths. Some people just do not deserve to have an opinion.


amy said...

You read my blog. Thank you for the comment!!!! I am sorry not everyone can share your joy. They will regret their words once they see the beautiful baby!


Connie said...

This makes me SOOO mad! What the heck is wrong with some people?

I have wanted a third baby for over a year. I knew almost as soon as Moo was born that I didn't feel done. I talked to hubby about it and he agreed to let me have 'one more'. Well, his family decided that we didn't need anymore children and talked him out of it. I have been heartbroken ever since.

Every single baby is a blessing! Babies bring happiness.

I'm so sorry! HUGS!

How was your appointment?

Shanna said...

Connie, I am so sorry your inlaws did that. What business is it of theirs?!?! I get so aggravated. I had that same feeling when little monkey was born. I just knew I was not finished.
I wish I could just tell them where to stick it and move on. Maybe I will when I am big pregnant and can blame it on the hormones. Of course, they would probably say "we told you you did not need more kids!"

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Maybe in some weird way they're jealous of you and your lovely family?

I tend to feel those "jealousy vibes" from my MIL. It's so annoying.

I definitely want to be the kind of parent that is HAPPY when my children are more successful than me! I want that for them. I would never begrudge them.

Heather said...

I am sorry that your in-laws are so bizarre!